Ok. So achieving a better immune system is figured out and as soon as I unpack whichever box it is that has my plan all written out I will get right on that part beyond whatever I'm already doing on May 1st.
As far as the weight loss part is concerned I think I'm on track with that as well right now. I'm gonna start walking daily like I said and in addition I will be eating at home more often.
Now that I've got it all figured out it's just a matter of actually following through on it. Wish me luck! I'm gonna journal about the whole thing the whole way through. We'll see how that turns out. I hope I'm not too revealing. I don't want to get banned from the web. Ha Ha. I guess I don't have to worry too much about it as long as I see that Rosie O'Donnell is on her blog still I guess I'll be able to keep up my blogging as well.
I am thinking about adding pictures to my journal entries. We'll see how that turns out. My idea is to take pictures of parts and all of me and then label it day 1, day 2 etc. in order to track my progress. Of course, I would not be taking daily pictures of myself but I will still be taking pictures none the less. It will be interesting to track the progress and I hope to see a difference in my day 1 vs. day 100 photos. If I don't then my next goal may be to work more hours so I can afford a trainer. My best friend is a trainer but I pissed her off by being a slack ass and eating crap I wasn't supposed to eat when she was helping me so I likely won't get too much help from her until I've proven myself to give a shit enough to do it on my own. That's no problem of course because I have other friends who've done the same thing to me. Somehow they think it's my job to help them or even worse take care of them even though they don't do shit for themselves. Enough of that vent though. This is about my slack ass not my friends.

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Ok. How am I going to achieve my short term goals? I think that I will have to break it down into little parts. Regarding my immune system I already have a plan. I have it all written out somewhere in my crap that is packed up since my move to a new apartment. That is easy to figure out. Step one: unpack. Step two: follow the plan. The plan includes a whole bunch of different stuff. Basically, I will be taking particular supplements, exercising, sleeping etc. on a regimen which will serve to improve my immune system. I suspect that the immune system plan on its own will likely improve my weight and etc. However that doesn't mean that I don't need to focus on weight loss specifically. I will focus on that as well. As soon as I dig out my immune system plan I'll update you on what I'm doing first and how it affects me. In the mean time I have made a rule for myself that on May 1st I will start walking daily for at least 30 minutes in one session. I have also made a rule that on May 8th I will start eating food that is made at home and only eat out on the weekends. We'll see how that goes. I suspect that the walking won't be so tough but I think the food part will be. I'm addicted to eating out for some reason. I need to figure that out. Even if all that there was in the world was tofu and sprouts I'd still rather eat out than make a sandwich or some soup at home. I wonder what that's about?

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Ok. So I've taken the step of making a "fat ass" blog. I've done all sorts of journaling. I've taken the dive into the deep dark trenches of myself to figure out why what where blah blah blah the beginning of my fat. I've admitted that I look better in my mind than I do in a mirror. I've admitted that I'm addicted to fast food. I am a part of the fast food nation.
Now What?!? Where do I go from here? What in the hell is my purpose beyond a bit of blogging and journaling? I have to set some goals. What the hell are they? Ok here goes.
I know I want to be healthier. Not necessarily as it relates to fat. I want to have a good immune system. I don't want to get sick so often. I don't want to have allergies so bad every year, I don't want to get colds and flu's like I have been lately and in the last few years. What else?
I want to fit into all my clothes instead of just some of them. I have a huge stack of jeans that I don't fit. If I were to guess I'd say I'm about 10lbs out of them. I'm not sure of that though.
I have all sorts of other goals but they're long term so I won't mention them. What's the point really of focusing on a bunch of crap that is so far off that I'll likely lose site of it all and end the entire process. Let's just say that in the end of all this I hope to be a cute white girl with a pretty smile and dread locks that is peaceful and happy and so hot that even people who don't like cute little peaceful hippies with dreadlocks think I'm cute and want to talk to me. I want to have the image that I have of myself be reflected in the image of myself I see in the mirror. I want to just be better that's all - BETTER.

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Ok. Now that we're out of the military what happens? Not a damn thing. We just eat and eat and eat. The drinking and the parties and fun continue on and on forever. Ahh this is the life. Let's see I went into the military 125lbs(1995), got out of boot camp 135lbs(2 months later), got out of the military 140lbs(1999), job after job after job after job to now we are at 228lbs(2007). I say we because I am now the size of two of my Sophomore in high school selves. So what the hell happened? That's what I wanna know. What happened to the wonder years and the wonder weight? I think it was Mcdonald's. That's who I'll blame. Not the fact that I drove myself there every day. I got out of the military and went to work for an avionics company. Me and all my work buddies went to the Chic-fil-A every day. My girlfriend and I at that time were going out to eat all the time. When we ate at home (rarely) it was turkey burgers and corn. After that girlfriend and I broke up (5 years later) I began going out and rebelling against the break-up and all women in general. This meant making bunches of new friends and going out to eat more and more. After that going to the club more and more. Sitting in a chair at the strip club watching someone else getting their cardio in while they straddled me naked. Ahh the life of denial and depression. Fun like manic but depressing when it's over. Any way my health after that was a down hill slide with an average of 12lbs per year. That is a pound per month. If I keep that up I will be 670lbs by the time I am 72 years old. That is one fat old lady.

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Ahh the fond memories of the Military. I won't tell you about all of them. What happens in the Military stays in the Military. Kinda like Vegas. What I will tell you is that the military is the place where I began to gain weight. The diet you are fed in the Navy is very much like the meat and potatoes diet of the Oklahoma farmer. In the Navy exercise is basically non existent. I suppose for someone who is a lazy wimp the Navy includes more exercise then they may be used to, but for the average person involved even a tiny bit with sports the exercise the Navy has you do is nearly un-noticeable. In boot camp for the Navy I don 't think we ever ran over a mile and a half at one time. I doubt I ran more than 25 to 30 miles in the entire two months in boot camp. I gained 10 pounds in boot camp. I hardly exercised at all the entire time I was in the military. I stayed in enough shape to pass the PT test. whoopidy dooo. I could run a mile in what 8 or 9 minutes? What normal person within 5 years of graduating high school can't? I know there are some people who haven't been exposed to much exercise at all, but that isn't who I'm talking about. Whatever who cares about them anyway? I had no problem running an 8 minute mile or even a 6 minute mile at that. I could have easily run an 8 minute mile as recently as 6 or 7 years ago. Now who knows? I think I could do it in 10 but I'm a fat ass so who knows how realistic that is. The military was a place where I had the most independence relating to my own exercise level. I was given the option of exercising when I wanted and how I wanted. This meant I did pretty much nothing. I was still rebelling against my father. I need to find a place where I have let him and all other authority figures attached to exercise go. I need to release them before they hold me down until I can no longer get up for myself. I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

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So college. I don't suppose things got any better at that time of my life. I went to college on a track/cross country scholarship. I was sooooo excited that I had been accepted and that I got the scholarship. I got there after rebelling against my father and his coaching for an entire summer. I was totally out of shape arriving and ended up being the worst one on the team at the beginning. Later in the season I was in great shape but to be honest my body type is not one which has positive results from the amount of exercise that I had to do. Regardless, the amount of exercise didn't serve to deter me from my love of running. As a matter of fact people used to comment all the time about me running everywhere on campus. I think the problem I have is with authority as opposed to exercise. As far as eating right goes I never have known how to do that. My father is a 300+ pound man who has been large all of my memorable life. I'm from Oklahoma. We are meat and potatoes people who are farmers. The problem is that if you are not actually taking an active roll in the farming activities then the meat and potatoes are stored as opposed to burned. So now we know. I am a lover of exercise who is burnt out due to the fact that exercise became not so fun any more. I am a lover of food who has continued to love food despite the fact that I have discontinued my love of exercise. Maybe the answer is for me to rekindle my affair with exercise but on my own this time. No authority figures included.

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I have not always been this way. I grew up normal. As a matter of fact I grew up skinny and some what toned. I am about 5'6" or 5'7". In high school I was 125lbs. That was 15 years ago. When I was little I used to watch my father (a high school sports coach) coach his boys track team. I used to wish I could be a part of the team. I could think of nothing more exciting than running a million miles in front of millions of cheering people in attempt to win an award. When I was 5 years old my dad let me run in a race that was sponsored by the local radio station in the area. I ran 4 miles and I came in very last place. I got escorted in by a police officer on a motorcycle and the entire crowd was cheering for me. After that I was hooked. I was so proud of myself for finishing the race without cheating like other kids my age who cut across at certain moments when they knew no one was watching. As if the people in charge of the race and watching the race didn't know they were cheating by the time they came in and how they came in ahead of adults in the race. Any way my excitement in finishing, getting the attention, receiving a radio station T-shirt had me hooked for life on running. Eventually the coach in my dad took him over and by the time I was in high school I had him driving behind me in his car on long runs out in the country so that I could keep in shape for the race. I would get so angry that his fat ass would be driving and yelling techniques out the window at me instead of running with me or letting the whole process be fun. After a few of those experiences I was un-hooked. I knew from that point forward that I would not be running unless I thought it was fun. Thus began my rebellious fight against authority and conformity and anything which wasn't fun. Basically, I went from a kid who loved running and had dreams of becoming an Olympic athlete to a kid who would sit around and do nothing just to get away from the dictator that was my coach. My dad was not a bad guy or a bad coach he just chose a tactic of break em down and build em back up as opposed to lets have fun with it and learn something. This simply was not the best tactic for me. It may have worked on others but on me it was paralyzing.

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In The Beginning

Ok. I have heard that the first step to fixing your problems is to admit that they exist. So here goes. I am a fat person. It is true. I suppose later I will explore how I ended up this way but for now I'll just say it. I'm fat. I am 32 years old. I currently weigh about 227 or 228lbs. I have been told by lots of people that I don't look like I weigh that much, but that doesn't mean that I don't look overweight, and it doesn't mean I'm not overweight either. I have to be honest with myself here. Just because God has blessed me with good proportions doesn't mean I'm not overweight. I am thankful though that I am not one of those people that looks like a tic after it has feasted on a dog for a good week, but while I'm comparing myself to bugs I have to admit I look a bit like a bee with a big ole butt and some curves. Fat is however not my only issue. I am in general bad health. My hair is more dry than it has ever been before the last 3 or 4 years, My skin is broken out, My breath is funky, My energy level is nearly non-existent, My wardrobe is suffering (I feel like "The Incredible Hulk" busting out of my clothes), Sex life I won't even go into, My feet smell like a feed lot where cattle are housed, My elbows feel like an alligator's back, I've been getting sick more often than ever in the last five or six years. The list goes on and on. That doesn't even include the other stuff. All the emotional crap and anger issues and waaa waaaa waaa. So here begins my journey to better myself. I want to be at whatever my best is within the next two years as far as my health is concerned. Wish me luck.

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