Hello all who care about my fat ass. I am still here though I'm not having much to say lately. I am busy that's for sure and this month is my birthday so I'm older and because my great lovely state makes all my car related crap due the month of your birthday all my money is gone too. Life is grand right? Oh well. I have been doing little bits and pieces at a time on my work toward becoming a cute, buff, little, peace loving hippie. I have been trying to have a better attitude first of all which has helped my stress level a little bit. I haven't been going nuts with my road rage lately, I didn't throw my computer across the room the other day when it started shutting down and dumping the memory. That's progress right? I'm still having negative thoughts though. For example, just the other day I watched Sara Silverman (I think that's her name) dog Paris Hilton out and I thought it was great! Viacom yanked the video from You Tube like the losers they are (oops there goes the negative me again) but oh well. I think it's great that Paris has to serve time cause I think it's about time that money doesn't buy you a way out of jail any more. Next we have to get that to work the same with men as it does with women and put people like those Enron fuckers in jail, after that we can start yanking politicians out of their seats and throw them in the can too. So much for the peace loving hippy routine huh? Oh well, at least I'm a little better maybe 5% but still that's better than the zero I used to be.

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Hello All. I've made myself a goal of walking every day until I've done it at least a month. The purpose is to get myself in a bit better shape. My lungs and heart most specifically. I figure if I walk every day I may or may not lose weight but the purpose is to get the aerobic lung/heart muscles worked out. Once I've managed to do this every day for a month then I'm gonna start some strength training. In the mean time I'm gonna pretend I don't know anything about strength training. When I'm able to have the will power to walk every day for 30 minutes without coming up with an excuse for one day or another then I'll worry about that. So how's the goal coming along you may ask? I'm about 40% successful. Basically, that means that I've walked during this month starting on May 1st but only about 40% of the days so far in the month. Oh well. I started at least. Eventually I'll do it every day. Maybe next month. I've got to figure out a way to keep focused and to make this important. What happens is that I get home and I see a cloud in the sky or I think about all the laundry I've left undone and then I scam out of the whole thing.

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Ok. How am I going to achieve my short term goals? I think that I will have to break it down into little parts. Regarding my immune system I already have a plan. I have it all written out somewhere in my crap that is packed up since my move to a new apartment. That is easy to figure out. Step one: unpack. Step two: follow the plan. The plan includes a whole bunch of different stuff. Basically, I will be taking particular supplements, exercising, sleeping etc. on a regimen which will serve to improve my immune system. I suspect that the immune system plan on its own will likely improve my weight and etc. However that doesn't mean that I don't need to focus on weight loss specifically. I will focus on that as well. As soon as I dig out my immune system plan I'll update you on what I'm doing first and how it affects me. In the mean time I have made a rule for myself that on May 1st I will start walking daily for at least 30 minutes in one session. I have also made a rule that on May 8th I will start eating food that is made at home and only eat out on the weekends. We'll see how that goes. I suspect that the walking won't be so tough but I think the food part will be. I'm addicted to eating out for some reason. I need to figure that out. Even if all that there was in the world was tofu and sprouts I'd still rather eat out than make a sandwich or some soup at home. I wonder what that's about?

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Ok. So I've taken the step of making a "fat ass" blog. I've done all sorts of journaling. I've taken the dive into the deep dark trenches of myself to figure out why what where blah blah blah the beginning of my fat. I've admitted that I look better in my mind than I do in a mirror. I've admitted that I'm addicted to fast food. I am a part of the fast food nation.
Now What?!? Where do I go from here? What in the hell is my purpose beyond a bit of blogging and journaling? I have to set some goals. What the hell are they? Ok here goes.
I know I want to be healthier. Not necessarily as it relates to fat. I want to have a good immune system. I don't want to get sick so often. I don't want to have allergies so bad every year, I don't want to get colds and flu's like I have been lately and in the last few years. What else?
I want to fit into all my clothes instead of just some of them. I have a huge stack of jeans that I don't fit. If I were to guess I'd say I'm about 10lbs out of them. I'm not sure of that though.
I have all sorts of other goals but they're long term so I won't mention them. What's the point really of focusing on a bunch of crap that is so far off that I'll likely lose site of it all and end the entire process. Let's just say that in the end of all this I hope to be a cute white girl with a pretty smile and dread locks that is peaceful and happy and so hot that even people who don't like cute little peaceful hippies with dreadlocks think I'm cute and want to talk to me. I want to have the image that I have of myself be reflected in the image of myself I see in the mirror. I want to just be better that's all - BETTER.

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Ahh the fond memories of the Military. I won't tell you about all of them. What happens in the Military stays in the Military. Kinda like Vegas. What I will tell you is that the military is the place where I began to gain weight. The diet you are fed in the Navy is very much like the meat and potatoes diet of the Oklahoma farmer. In the Navy exercise is basically non existent. I suppose for someone who is a lazy wimp the Navy includes more exercise then they may be used to, but for the average person involved even a tiny bit with sports the exercise the Navy has you do is nearly un-noticeable. In boot camp for the Navy I don 't think we ever ran over a mile and a half at one time. I doubt I ran more than 25 to 30 miles in the entire two months in boot camp. I gained 10 pounds in boot camp. I hardly exercised at all the entire time I was in the military. I stayed in enough shape to pass the PT test. whoopidy dooo. I could run a mile in what 8 or 9 minutes? What normal person within 5 years of graduating high school can't? I know there are some people who haven't been exposed to much exercise at all, but that isn't who I'm talking about. Whatever who cares about them anyway? I had no problem running an 8 minute mile or even a 6 minute mile at that. I could have easily run an 8 minute mile as recently as 6 or 7 years ago. Now who knows? I think I could do it in 10 but I'm a fat ass so who knows how realistic that is. The military was a place where I had the most independence relating to my own exercise level. I was given the option of exercising when I wanted and how I wanted. This meant I did pretty much nothing. I was still rebelling against my father. I need to find a place where I have let him and all other authority figures attached to exercise go. I need to release them before they hold me down until I can no longer get up for myself. I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

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The Makings of A Fat Ass Part Two

So college. I don't suppose things got any better at that time of my life. I went to college on a track/cross country scholarship. I was sooooo excited that I had been accepted and that I got the scholarship. I got there after rebelling against my father and his coaching for an entire summer. I was totally out of shape arriving and ended up being the worst one on the team at the beginning. Later in the season I was in great shape but to be honest my body type is not one which has positive results from the amount of exercise that I had to do. Regardless, the amount of exercise didn't serve to deter me from my love of running. As a matter of fact people used to comment all the time about me running everywhere on campus. I think the problem I have is with authority as opposed to exercise. As far as eating right goes I never have known how to do that. My father is a 300+ pound man who has been large all of my memorable life. I'm from Oklahoma. We are meat and potatoes people who are farmers. The problem is that if you are not actually taking an active roll in the farming activities then the meat and potatoes are stored as opposed to burned. So now we know. I am a lover of exercise who is burnt out due to the fact that exercise became not so fun any more. I am a lover of food who has continued to love food despite the fact that I have discontinued my love of exercise. Maybe the answer is for me to rekindle my affair with exercise but on my own this time. No authority figures included.

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