Ok everyone!! I figured it's time to check in with the world finally. A lot has happened in the last few months and I am all better for it. I am finally in a place where I feel like I'm on the right track spiritually. I have worked hard to get to this place and it has taken years to get here. I went through much of my life with many things happening to me that were bad and somehow through it all I had managed to stay positive and hold onto hope. At some point I came to realize that much of the bad that happened to me had been brought on by my own doing. My insecurities had gotten the best of me and made me overcompensate in areas where I could stand out. This caused a lot of problems in my life for various reasons. One day I got in a relationship with someone who I was sure was the perfect one for me and who I was convinced I would be with forever and ever. Every little girl's dream is to find that special someone and be with them forever. In the end I found that this person had no respect for others beyond the surface. She actually only had respect for others because it was the right thing to do. She didn't have respect for me or for my things. If I had something that I had earned however small it was somehow she would manage to damage it. In the end when we broke up I found myself paying full price for things that she had ruined. So the keyword in all of that was END. After that my life became a big anger filled experience. I was now moving through the world jaded and acting as if all people were worthless and not to be trusted. This of course made me controlling and hard to deal with. People could see the good heart that I had but it was virtually unreachable. I have struggled for a good 10 years with my anger issues, my self confidence etc. etc. and in the end I became fatter, and fatter, and angrier and angrier and less and less self confident. Something happened in the last few months that broke me free. I don't exactly know what it was but a few different happenings popped up and all of a sudden it was as if all the work I had done within myself just took. I am now on a new road to greatness!! I feel like step one has been accomplished. I am finally in a place spiritually that I wanted to be in. I just have to keep that up and get to the next level of that category. So since I feel like that is finally on its way, I will have to begin working on something else. I am going to have to change my diet and my lifestyle as it relates to food. I have joined a gym and I don't go as often as I should but I'm going more than I used to. I feel like I am on the right track as far as the gym goes but that my next hard job needs to be on my food. So everyone wish me luck and if you see me eating something I said I wasn't gonna eat and it isn't the weekend then spank me.

check in spank finally eating spiritually food life gym

In email after email from my family and other McCain/Palin supporters they have mentioned Obama and alleged links to terrorists. Over and over again I have linked them proofs to the contrary about Obama being allegedly Socialist/Terrorist. In response I generally get the same thing which is that if he has these friends he has the potential to be just like they are/were at any point in time. But somehow the links that Palin and McCain have are not subject to the same questions and scrutiny. If potential intent and purposeful distancing from links to bad people is a part of the picture for Obama why is it not thesame for Mccain/Palin?

It seems when the exact same questions come up regarding Palin and McCain I am told by McCain/Palin supporters that intent is not the same as action. I hear all about the subject of intent basically saying that because Palin has not committed actual book burnings, or witch hunts that people are suspecting she would do or support, that it isn't valid to question it. It seems extremely hypocritical to me because they are basically saying that if Obama has potential ill intent and has never acted on it he's a terrorrist and could snap into terrorist mode at any minute, but Palin who though she has never pushed the issues directly, has been linked to many religious extremists and even takes part in a"spiritual warfare" program which has been known to support witch-hunting and other extreme activities and beliefs - should not be questioned because her intent or our guesses at her intent are all of a sudden not an issue.

Look people however much we want to pretend or ignore this fact because we are Christians ourselves - Christians have been linked to equally as much terrorism around the world throughout history as Islam has. (before bugging out look it up and see how many countries we Americans alone have hopped over to in order to bomb the shit out of some "heathen" country and look at what was said at that time in history by people on our side and you'll likely find a bunch of stuff about God's will) Our own American history within our own soil shows a lot of death and murder in the name of Christianity and manifest destiny of those who are Christian. It has crossed over our borders and been committed further by us and other countries as well in the name of Christianity and God's will. Yet because we are Christian we think it's God's will, but when we hear someone from Islam saying the same things all of a sudden it's terrorism.

The reason I bring this up is because Palin's links are not just to your average small town American Christian - they are instead links to what even many of those average Christians consider an extreme sect of Pentecostals. Does that worry me? Hell yes!!! Because I don't want my freedoms taken from me or someone else based on any religion as I believe my journey with God to be my own and that's it. I don't feel like me being governed by some Christian extremist version of Christianity is any different than women in Islamic countries allegedly being forced to wear burkhas and walk 10 steps behind men they were forced to marry, and then if they are raped on the way to the market or work get killed for associating with a man other than their husband.

Should I wonder whether good Christian people would do such violent and offensive things? Yes. For evidence please refer to the Salem witch hunts, where women who thought for themselves were burned at the stake for going against the orders of doctors, preachers or other men in power, or to our history with American Indians who were violently killed and victims of biological terrorism in the form of smallpox on blankets just for the acquisition of property and because they were not Christian and therefore because they were barbaric pagans they were expendable or non important as human beings. And when you're done with that take a look at slavery and after slavery the Jim Crow laws and the black codes that prevented freedom and condoned lynchings for another 100 years as we all pretended black people were really free even though they couldn't get a paycheck accept once a year (if they were lucky) and they couldn't go anywhere unless it had a sign on it that didn't say whites only.

Do I doubt that I could fall victim to this one day because I think for myself, am independent, don't choose or need a man to make me whole, don't use todays medicine and choose instead to use traditional medicine (the same natural medicine that was used by the women burned in Salem by the way), have friends who practice religions other than Christianity, have attended some of their services, have friends from Pakistan, India, China, Korea, Iran, Afghanistan, Turkey, Israel etc. No I don't doubt it. Only within the last few years have people of middle eastern descent and their friends been imprisoned without access to attourneys and habeas corpus and due process of the law while their homes and families were lost because they could no longer take care of them or work to pay for them. Only 60 or so years ago were Japanese people put into internment camps because they were suspect all of a sudden during WWII. Only about 80 or so years ago did Greek people have barely more rights than black people because legally they were not considered officially white at that time.

This history would not make me nervous what so ever if I was like some of you who fit every single category that has protected people in our country from murder, lynchings, unconstitutional means of punishment, torture, imprisonment and persecution for years (ie. white, heterosexual, Christian, believes in marriage etc.). Because I am different I risk being put through any sort of attrocity that someone who is linked to and has hired extreme Christians thinks up in their perfect little Christian heads. It is scary if you don't fit the mold and know America's history (even in the last decade) to imagine you could be next just like it is scary for you white, heterosexual Christians to look at the history of alleged terrorists or extremists linked to Obama and think we could be victim to whatever thing they think up. But apparently according to those McCain/Palin supporters who email me only Obamas potential intent matters and Palin's does not have any need to be questioned. And why is that?... I have one phrase for you - Christian vs. Muslim. hmmm it is clear that extremist Christians are ok in all of their minds, but for some reason we're supposed to be afraid of those who would challenge America on it's horrendous history or challenge Christians on their own terrorist natures. All I can think to do is to make an introduction... Pot meet Kettle you are both black as tar have fun looking at yourselves in the mirror.

It has been proven that neither of them (Obama/Palin) are guilty of anything but association with these extremists other than the fact that Palin has been caught on tape knodding in agreement with these extremists and both have hired them and Obama has written forwards in their books while Palin has worn their buttons in support of them when they traveled through town etc. (writing forwards in books of people whom you've never met is common practice by the way - I have many published friends who were hired or asked by Barnes and Noble and many other major companies to write forwards and endorsements in and about the books and people whom they have never met- It's kinda like endorsing a guy whose been in the military because you have been there too it's done all the time - or just because he was in the military even if you have never served)

And by the way the same rules go for McCain. I have lists and lists of things (like links to economic terrorists and convicted felons and drug addicted theives) that I have emailed his supporters in email responses. I have researched these things and even though McCain has been friends with these people to the point of using his government positions to do favors for them and making them the godparents of his children when he has been asked about them he has minimized his relationship with them and acted as if they were not close at all. If I was Duke Tully I would have been offended at McCain's comments after he was questioned about my mistakes because it was as if he cared nothing about the guy even though he made him the godparent of his kid at one point in time. So McCain is a guy who will omit someone from his life and pretend he is and was not close to them when the egg hits the pan and things get hot. To me it appears that either he was close friends with these people like has been proven or that he pretended to be friends with them as long as they were of use to him and then dropped them as soon as they became harmful to him or his image instead. Either way it is questionable whether he's just a liar (ie. his denial of close relationships with these people) or a user and a liar (because he pretended to be friends with them so he could benefit from) none of it is good when you look at it without clouded vision.

And before you consider saying how Obama's friends and McCain's friends are soooooo different because Obama's are extremist terrorists remember that physical terrorism though it is more talked about and attractive for the masses to look at it is not the only kind of terrorism. There is also economic terrorism which has affected many a country and individual through things like sanctions and harmed just as many and has been enacted in our own country as well against those who could not and would not conform. (hmmm sounds kinda like what McCain supporters would call socialism to me).

Terrorists in general are people who are narcissists and therefore cannot figure out why someone would be so offended or see them as bad because in their minds they are doing the right thing and anyone who disagrees is simply stupid and to hard headed to see that the actions are for their own good. In addition to this mentality they believe that they are so smart that everyone should listen to them and give them privileges and believe what they say and therefore they see nothing wrong with themselves acquiring power for themselves in the form of property, money, and leadership roles. (sound like anyone you know of) This fits both violent forms of terrorists as well as those who acquire their power through the oppression and control of others economically. Palin is too close in link to people whose types have long been known throughout history to commit terrorism against others via religious narcissism, religious terrorism, religious socialism and McCain has been linked to those and even helped those who have committed economic terrorism against Americans and individuals alike. Combine these two and you have a dangerous combination of people who will and have purposefully benefitted financially and with special favors only those who agree with them and/or who believe that Christians are worthy while everyone else is a witch or demon deserving of whatever may come in the war of the spirit via "spiritual warfare."

Add this to the list of things that Palin has spoken against with regards to the funding of science and you have a scary picture of what the future could entail on your hands. I agree with people who feel that science should have clear separations of what is fact and what is still being challenged and has not yet been completely proven. I agree with them that there is nothing wrong with creationism being studied and investigated in schools for what it is separate from science/evolution (not instead of) as well to see what is/can be proven as fact. I would add though that we should include ALL creationism theory and not just Christian because science has proven some Pagan, Buddhist, Islamic etc. theories correct just like it has done in Christianity and evolution sciences and if we include ALL of the ingredients perhaps we will have a more true picture instead of one that is just Christian or just Science/evolution.

But I am not for someone like Palin who has spoken against the funding of science on multiple occasions - just in the last week or two she spoke against the funding for fruit fly research which has actually advanced us immensely in medical science and has saved us from much of what could and would potentially be done via stem cell research instead.

It was on a "Friday when at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good measure that some of this research took place "in Paris, France" and winding up with a folksy "I kid you not." It was 1933 when Thomas Hunt Morgan won a Nobel Prize for showing that genes are passed on by way of chromosomes. The experimental creature that he employed in the making of this great discovery was the fruit fly. Scientists of various sorts continue to find it a very useful resource, since it can be easily and plentifully "cultured" in a laboratory, has a very short generation time, and displays a great variety of mutation. This makes it useful in studying disease, and since Gov. Palin was in part in Pittsburgh to talk about her signature "issue" of disability and special needs, she might have had some researcher tell her that there is a Drosophila (scientific name for fruit fly)-based center for research into autism at the University of North Carolina. The fruit fly can also be a menace to American agriculture, so any financing of research into its habits and mutations is money well spent. It's especially ridiculous and unfortunate that the governor chose to make such a fool of herself in Pittsburgh, a great city that remade itself after the decline of coal and steel into a center of high-tech medical research.

John McCain has mad repeated use of anti-waste anti-porkbarrel spending ads and elaborated in his speeches about the expenditure of $3 million to study the DNA of grizzly bears in Montana was derided as "unbelievable." As an excellent article in the Feb 8, 2008 Scientific American pointed out, there is no way to enforce the Endangered Species Act without getting some sort of estimate of numbers, and the best way of tracking and tracing the elusive grizzly is by setting up barbed-wire-hair-snagging stations that painlessly take samples from the bears as they lumber by and then running the DNA samples through a laboratory. The cost is almost trivial compared with the importance of understanding this species, and I dare say, the project will yeild results in the measurement of other animal populations as well, but all McCain could do was be flippant and say that he wondered whether it was a "paternity" or a "criminal" issue that the Fish and Wildlife Service was investigating. (perhaps those really are the only things that he associates in his mind with DNA). They are both (McCain/Palin a couple of Philistines with extreme friends who are (dare I say it) linked to terrorist and extreme views that are anti-American in that they are against freedom and progress as well as against the ability of the average American to take care of themselves. (again my mind pops to the similarities to what McCain/Palin supporters call socialism where a government would distribute it's beliefs across the whole of it's people at the expense of freedom and individuality and use those beleifs to limit/control some while others benefit from doing basically nothing to deserve it, but because they fit a small few parameters they benefit). Religious socialists to me seem to be attempting to do two things: 1- create a heaven on earth for those who (according to them) are already following God's law; and 2- force and colonize the rest of the people into following their version of God's law as opposed to allowing people to travel their own spiritual path with God for themselves.

I am not voting for that. I have a relationship with God that THANK GOD is not controlled by the government's idea of Christian Euphoria - it doesn't always go as I wish it would and I learn and grow because of it every day to become closer and closer in my relationship with God which I love, and I feel sorry for those who would be victim of a dogmatic version of a religion that actually prevents them from having that relationship because they are too busy conforming to some earthly human's version of spirituality and euphoria. It's nuts in my opinion and I don't support it.

I would say to you if you have made it this far in my post that I hope you don't support it either. I hope that if you are different than those who are traditionally protected in this country you will not vote for those who would continue that oppression of others so that they may be protected. If you are a woman know that in the past and even now women have been oppressed at the hands of people like this sometimes at their own choosing as women like Palin have been known many a day to be more patriarchial and mysogenistic than many of the men in this country I hope you vote Obama. If you are a transexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, s&m advocate, stripper, prostitute, madam, or don't support marriage or the Christian version of it etc. I hope you understand that there is potentially a stake waiting in the future for you somewhere if you vote for McCain/Palin. If you are not white I hope you have researched American history enough to know that the only people who can commit terrorist acts without being persecuted in this country are white and that as soon as someone non-white does something terroristic you may be put into a concentration camp or internment camp without due process of the law and I hope you vote for Obama. If you practice a religion other than Christianity please remember that you may be victim to the same as those of color and others have been if people like McCain and Palin are permitted to stay in power.

I support Obama in part because he is of color and accepting of others of color, because he understands women and is accepting of them even if they are highly successful and not in need of him, because he is supportive of the points of views of others who to many seem extreme even if he doesn't agree with them, because he is willing to listen to people and learn from them despite their backgrounds and points of view, because he understands America's history and it's willingness to take away money from those who have less and give it to those who have more like a twisted backward version of robin hood, because he understands that if I give my money to the guy who already has a bunch and runs the business that I work for that it will not trickle back down to me. Ultimately what I am trying to say is that Obama supports diversity of all and oppression of none at the cost of the others from what I can tell. He says to me we are all in this together instead of we are in it alone or it's us against them. Is this socialist? I don't believe it is, but those who would support the oppression of others and the benefit of themselves would attempt to make you think it is so that they can continue to get away with an unregulated corporate sanctioned oppression of those who work for a living while those at the top doing nothing benefit.

McCain/Palin benefit Obama oppression Socialist unregulated scrutiny together

I thought this was great and motivating for someone who has ever felt down and stifled by others or self. Thanks to Mireille Dupuis for writing it and thanks to Women at Heart for posting it.

Finding Gold in the Shadow~ Mireille Dupuis

A glimpse at the power, beauty and meaning of our shadow side. And you thought I was so bad, so negative, so scary.... But you’re starting to see that I have been your ally all along. The guardian of the treasures you have hidden along the way. A little girl who, a long time ago, knew how to be happy. I have kept her warm and safe until you were ready to take her back home. A little girl with a deep loving nature, who longed to spread love around but who didn’t know where to plant the seeds; everyone was so busy surviving. A little girl, an artist, who thought she had better hide because she wasn’t meeting her parents’ expectations; who didn’t know she’d better follow her dreams. I am the keeper of the courage you found to look into yourself and to find shadow in the light and light in the shadow. The keeper of your gifts, the keeper of your integrity. I am the angry voice who cannot stand to see you compromising yourself and desperately trying to please others; forgetting your dreams, your visions. I am the one longing for balance, for the whole to be considered. I am the other side of things, the other half. Without me, you can only hope to be half of who you are. Within me, you can reconcile opposites and conceive of a wiser, better-fitting solution that brings unity rather than opposition. I am the keeper of your truth. I am the no-nonsense voice in you, the one that you can’t fool. The voice who lets you know you’re not being real. The voice that needs to say she was bored or hurt or angry when you acted out of a sense of duty, and not out of authenticity. I am the keeper of your honesty. I am the one bored to death, screaming you can do better than that when you stay in your empty, meaningless, well-paying job. I am the one who will do this unacceptable thing that will get you fired from the empty job so you can start addressing more pressing matters, matters of truth, and matters of the heart. I am the keeper of the secrets you keep from yourself, the ones you don’t dare look at for fear that they might hurt too much; for fear that they might not sound socially acceptable; for fear that you might see beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need to make changes. I am the keeper of your strength; the strength that you found to trade your victim eyes for clarity and vision. I was the keeper of your self-confidence while you were so busy doubting yourself. The keeper of your self-worth when you were saying you weren’t worth it, you didn’t deserve it. I am the voice screaming of injustice when you’re not living up to your potential, when you don’t take care of yourself and you envy someone else who does; when you waste your time and find yourself wanting to be somebody else instead of creating your own ideal reality. And I am the one hurting when I see you sabotaging your chances of success. And I am the bitter one when I hear you belittling yourself. And I am the angry one when I see you not honouring yourself. I am the voice you hear when you have compromised yourself. I am your potential. I am your shadow.

motivating Mireille Dupuis Women At Heart Finding Gold In The Shadow power scary guardian happy

Since I haven't posted in a while here is a video.



video muscle building

Ok since I haven't posted in a billion years I figured I'd give you a video or two to watch.



video muscle building

I recently read an article on Right Wing News about how fat people are causing global warming. Being that I am 75 to 85lbs overweight at the least I'm assuming that this article must have something to do with me. Apparently, British scientists have linked global warming to our world's ever increasing pounds. Though I am a contributor to this epidemic I have to admit that it sort of makes sense. Overweight people use more fuel to transport themselves around our great planet, in most cases they consume more food and produce more carbon emissions. A bit crazy and a bit sensible at the same time. It makes you think that perhaps if you are overweight you should lose some poundage for the environment. "It's Green to be Lean."

Right Wing News fat people global warming overweight British scientists epidemic fuel transport

I Love The Whole World

mountains sites giant squids